Sunday, August 7, 2016

Hello Readers,

Thank you so much for your support. Please spread the word about this site to everyone you know. I truly feel that it's something every insecure man should be aware of. 

I'm proud to let you know that I've been working with several Etsy Craftspeople, and over the next few weeks, I will be showcasing individual Makers.

All showcased products will have information and links directly to their stores. So, if you're in the market for something customizable, these are your people :)

As always, feel free to contact me with questions, comments, and suggestions. Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Regards,

Sexually Secure

Handcrafted Toys -- The Untapped World of Etsy and Customized Adult Fun

Hello Readers,

I was going to start this tomorrow, but I had some free time today. So, I want to give you my perspective on a great starter toy from OhMiBod, the LoveLife Explore.
If you are very new to anal play, or if this is your first time trying it, I really suggest starting small. Why small? For a few reasons:

1.  Your body is not used to things getting placed inside there. You have to train your muscles to accept the objects you are using.

2.  If it's painful, you'll stop, probably never try it again, and then you'll miss out on a whole new world of stimulation and excitement.

So again, start small, and take it slowly.

Part of OhMiBod’s rear gear product line, the LoveLife Explore is truly impressive for the person or couple beginning anal exploration. All of OhMiBod’s products come packaged extremely discreetly, so no one will ever know what you purchased. The packaging itself is premium, and the unboxing experience is beautiful. There are very few companies who put quality time into their presentation, and I can probably list them on one hand. OhMiBod is one of the few. It's a luxury presentation without the hefty price tag.

Inside, you will find a smaller-sized, unintimidating plug with a whimsical heart-shaped pull tab. When I say it’s for beginners, I mean it. If you are someone who wants it big, this it not your game. This is the gateway for those people who want to further their sensations and orgasm intensity. So, on to that…

It is reasonable to assume that many women can orgasm from either clitoral or g-spot (or a combo) stimulation. So, for women, the LoveLife Explore will up the intensity. I recommend using a water-based lube to insert the toy, so you don't destroy the silicone. I assure you, it will stay in place even during intercourse. If you are new to this, relax, breathe, and let your muscles agree to what is placed there.Once you are fully relaxed, enjoy your time (alone or together) as usual. It will not be painful, just very intense.

Take your time with this toy, and enjoy it. It’s designed to stimulate different nerves that you may not have experienced in the past. It’s OK to feel awkward at first, and that’s why I’m telling you to breathe and relax. Eventually, your body will accept it, and you’ll be on your way to incredible orgams with a willingness to go further in the future.

So, you might have noticed that I focused on women using this product. If you didn't catch that, well, now you know. I state that, because this toy is not the most ideal toy for stimulating the male prostate. It will add a little bit of fullness for you, but for the guys, I would err on the side of the LoveLife Dare from the same company. It has a much better pressure point that will hit the prostate, yet it still remains small enough not to be intimidating. More on the LoveLife Dare later.

As always, feel free to contact me directly with any questions, comments, or suggestions. Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Regards,

Sexually Secure

LoveLife Explore -- A Gentle Intro to Anal Stimulation

Hello Faithful Readers,

Today, I want to highlight something that has really been a struggle for me over the years, gazing.

What is gazing? Scholastically, it's defined thusly: look steadily and intently, especially in admiration, surprise, or thought.

But, Mark Twain once said, "Don't let school interfere with your education." And, here at Sexually Secure, we are learning together from each other; it's not a college. So, let's take a deeper look into the art (not science) of gazing.

Some of you out there have pets. Commonly, cats and dogs, so let's put our focus there. Did you ever have a moment when your pet would look at you for a prolonged period of time, and then you did the same? Did it feel comfortable and close? Did you feel like you might have been communicating in some non-spoken language? Did it feel safe?

The last question is the most important. "Did it feel safe?" For the longest time in my life, I didn't even know I had this problem. I could stare into the eyes of my cats or my parents' dogs, but no matter how close I was to any girlfriend, fiance, or my wife,  I could not gaze into their eyes. It did not feel safe...

So, through some talk therapy, I was able to overcome this -- to a degree. It's something I still struggle to enhance, but it gets better little by little. Whenever I would stare into my wife's eyes, I also had the feeling to turn away. I could absolutely not let myself open my heart and be vulnerable to her. It was a scary feeling of losing myself in her, and thus, submitting myself to her and the moment.

We had to start small. Initially, with some help. The idea was simple. Practice. Practice. Practice. Stare into each other's eyes with the intent to let go of control, and when it got uncomfortable, turn away. Then, try it again. Do this for a few days or weeks, until it no longer feels awkward. The key to everything we are going to learn at Sexually Secure is patience. Take your time with your partner and encourage him or her to keep going. Eventually, that uncomfortable feeling will dissipate, and you'll notice each other gazing like you did when you first met.

We really only do this to people and animals with whom we are close. Think about staring into a newborn baby's eyes. Admiring her, wondering what she's thinking, trying to connect with her. Now imagine staring into a stranger's eyes... really different, huh?

Your partner is just that, your partner. For the love of intimacy and vulnerability, I encourage you to give this a shot. We'll get to more advanced gazing, and gazing during sexual intimacy in a later post. I still have my own growing to do, and I don't want to steer you the wrong way.

If you're having trouble talking to your partner about this, or if you need some assistance, please email me directly. I'm happy to help.

Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Regards,

Sexually Secure


Gazing -- Are You Afraid to Stare into Your Lover's Eyes?

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Dear Readers,

Coming next week, I will start reviewing the products that I consider to be lower cost sex toys. This does not mean they are sub-standard quality. They will just cost less than some of the more luxurious products, while delivering a similar experience to them.

Keep in mind that sex toys can be hit or miss when you don't pay a lot for them. (And, sometimes they can be nightmares when they are really expensive.) I've had my share of poor quality products in my bedroom, and I've thrown them out. You will not find any of those listed here.

Also, realize that some of the lower cost toys do come from superior brand names like, OhMiBod, Aneros, PicoBong, and even Lelo has some. However, a lot of them will be from brands you may not know or recognize. Regardless, it will be a fun and educational experience for all of us, and I encourage you to consider using them in the future to enhance your relationship with your partner in the bedroom.

Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Regards,

Sexually Secure

Low Cost Toys -- High Quality for Minimal Cash

Hey Faithful Readers,

Thank you for coming back on a regular basis. I have a lot of new products coming from some high quality and luxury companies. Over the next two or three weeks, I will have quite a few posts regarding sex toy reviews. Some of these toys are for men, some for women, and some for couples. Either way, I'm excited to have the chance to share these reviews with you!

Also, I think I'm going to start a budget toy section for those who do not want to spend too much for their pleasure.

In the meantime, if there is something that you want me to discuss on the public forum, please contact me directly, and I'll answer you as soon as possible.

Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Regards,

Sexually Secure

The Sex Toys are Coming!

So far, I've been playing catch-up on all of the sex toys I've tested and reviewed. There will be more of that coming soon, but today, I want to talk a little bit about building intimacy with your partner (from a straight male perspective). If you are a gay male, this will likely help you, too. If you are a woman, please read through and try to understand where I (like a lot of men) come from. And then, ask your man to take a read.

This is Part One of a series I'd like to do on this. Firstly, because it's not a one article topic. Secondly, intimacy is not something that ever reaches an end -- it gets better and better, but there is always something to learn.

Keep in mind while you're reading this, that this is a perspective from one male (me), but it is likely shared by a lot men out there.

I grew up in a very sex-negative, racist, prejudiced, and sexist area. It's a miracle that I was able to overcome all of that, but not without a lot help. People in my area were very much against anything progressive, so the only way I learned about love, sex, intimacy, and vulnerability was from the examples I had -- my parents. My parents hated each other, and they made sure they let me know it. So, the opinion of my Mom lead me to believe that all women are angry, bi-polar, and sex-negative. The lifestyle that my Dad taught me was to ignore my feelings, ignore women, watch porn, and just try to get through life.

Also, I was introduced to pornography at a very early age (around third grade). It became the outlet for my aggression and the template that formed my opinions surround women. I relied on Penthouse and Hustler to teach me what sex is, what women are supposed to act like, and that all women are just objects to be used for my pleasure.

At the peak of my teenage years, I learned from my friends how to pick up women, use them, and get rid of them. My entire teenage and young adult life was focused on three things: watching pornography, finding women with whom to have sex,  and moving onto the next woman. It was a never ending cycle that led to so many poor decisions.

If I could take it back, I would. However, my hope is that the lessons I learned will be able to help you overcome your issues with intimacy and vulnerability. It is my firm belief (with a lot of experience and anecdotal evidence) that a lot of men out there suffer from the same debilitating disease of porn and sex addiction. It is a real and documented pattern addiction that should not be taken lightly. More on that in future posts.

Intimacy, for me, was solely based on how much sex I could have with a woman. It had nothing to do with sharing thoughts and feelings. As a matter of fact, I didn't really have feelings other than anger and lusting. Everything was sexualized. Once I got tired of having sex with that person, or once I felt like my partner was starting to fall in love with me, I destroyed the relationship. It was a safe outlet for me to protect my heart and keep my emotions bottled inside.

To close on this, you may be wondering how or why a man who was obsessed with sex would create a blog about sex toys. Well, it's not just a blog about sex toys. The primary focus is this article -- overcoming taboos and stigmas of the male sexual perspective. Sex toys, when you are in a secure relationship, are an absolute blessing to use. You will never see me reference pornography sites or anything that marginalizes women. After years of emotional work, I am completely at ease talking about and reviewing sex toys, and my hope is to convince you to use them to build intimacy and vulnerability like I have.

As always, feel free to contact me directly with any questions, comments, or suggestions. Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

Building Intimacy with Your Partner (a Background of My Original Perspective) -- Part One of a Series

Friday, August 5, 2016

Some of you out there are probably curious about these things that look like hair ties that go around your cock. They are known as cock rings, c-rings, penis rings, and probably a million other things. The premise of a cock ring is to help a man maintain his erection and the firmness of that erection. Some argue that it also helps delay orgasm, increase intensity, or even stop a bunch of semen from coming out (thinking that it is an effective birth control...it's not).

If you are going to try them out, I suggest you start with something made of high quality silicone. I would also caution you to never use steel cock rings. Steel cock rings, if you can't get it off, can lead to a serious medical issue with the circulation of blood to and from your penis. It will also mean a trip to the hospital where the doctor will have to carefully take a metal cutter up to your penis. Silicone, on the other hand, is very stretchy.

So, let's focus solely on silicone cock rings for this article. Why, because I don't support the use of steel here. You can find troves of cock rings all over Amazon for extremely low prices. Don't go breaking the bank on something that costs more to market than it does to manufacture. And frankly, just email the vendor, and they'll likely give you them for free in exchange for a review. (hint, hint)

They come in different sizes, so I suggest you buy a multi-pack that has various sizes for your first go. Once you get them, you'll see what I mean. It's like any other rubber band. The smaller the circumference, the tighter the fit.

When you want to try them out, wait until you are at least semi-hard to put one one you shaft. However, waiting until you are fully hard will help you maintain that longer erection, and it will hinder blood from flowing out, so you will gain a little more girth. Not soda can girth, but enough to make a difference for your partner if you're changing things up.

The way to use them is relatively easy. You have several options, and I encourage you to try all of them out to see what feels best.

1. You can put the ring down your penis and leave it at the base of your shaft. If you are someone who does not shave his pubic hair, then stretch it out to put it on. Otherwise, you can just roll it down. This is best done when you have a decent erection. Although, you can put it on before getting hard, and it will help grow and retain your erection.

2. You can put these around your balls. For this, you have to stretch the cock ring wide enough, and then carefully pull your entire sack through the ring. It will feel tight, but it will be comfortably tight. Take your time. Your balls are sensitive, and letting one of these go before it’s set is a big no no.

3. Lastly, you can wrap it around your shaft and balls at the same time. For this, start by putting the ring on your shaft and bring it down to the base. Then, with a few fingers, and two hands, stretch the ring downward and put your balls through it (following the steps in option 2).

Some final notes: Don’t keep these on for too long. My recommendation is no longer the 30 minutes. You can test the waters by going further if you want, but I’m speaking from experience and a safety standpoint. You’ll also notice that your erections will stay fuller for longer time. Your body doesn’t have to work as hard to keep pumping blood to your member.

As always, feel free to contact me directly with any comments, questions, or suggestions. Click Here to subscribe to Sexually Secure, so you know when I post new content.

So, What's a Cock Ring, and Do I Need One?